Plan for a successful war
Minister of Finance, Mike Arman, has made this genius plan on how to win the war against Sweden:
“Here then is our two step process to conquer Sweden, once and for all, and
1) We will buy lots of cardboard, and cut out large cardboard palm trees
and large cardboard camels, paint them realistically, and scatter them
2) We will send a forged declaration of war to George and Condi (from some
vague country that sounds like it might have major oil reserves), and give
directions to our military storage areas.
The US will at once declare war, and will immediately send millions of
soldiers, sailors, and aircrew to our military bases, which we have
cleverly disguised as US bases. (We will need a cardboard MacDonalds or
two, and some cardboard SUVs to complete this deception.)
When they arrive, all we need to do is point to Sweden and yell loudly
“They’re over there! Lets go get them!!” Since all palm trees and all
camels look the same (even cardboard ones), they will be immediately
convinced that this is (another) war of liberation, and will gleefully
charge forth to liberate the oppressed oil, er, excuse me, the oppressed
people from this fundamentalist regime.
Against this overwhelming onslaught, the Swedes will have no chance
whatsoever, they will be utterly crushed. In fact, if the whole thing takes
more than ten minutes, I think courtmartials may be in order.
The exact date for this debacle is secret, but a few words of advice are in
order for all citizens of Ladonia. If you are visiting Sweden, GET OUT NOW.
If you own anything in Sweden, SELL IT NOW. If you want anything in Sweden,
put your bids in NOW, but understand that there may not be much left of or
in Sweden afterward. We will attempt to minimize collateral damage, but if
you live within 1,000 miles of Sweden, you are well advised to stay inside
your homes, away from windows, and wear very dark sunglasses and ear plugs
for the next few days.
The clock is ticking . . . .”